If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
