i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
