I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
