I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
