Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
