Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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