She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
