Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
