I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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