I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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