I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
