I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
