guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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