Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
