The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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