i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
