I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
