That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
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