I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
