Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
