Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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