Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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