I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I just want nice things and good sex
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
