I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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