will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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