so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
