Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
My balls are so social today.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
