I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I puked a lego.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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