Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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