hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
