after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
