whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I think I won the penis lottery.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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