If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
