im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
