I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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