I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
