And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
