Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
