he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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