Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I love you. Go after that dick
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
