it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
