So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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