My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
