this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
