So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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