she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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