And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
