The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
