dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
