Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Randomize
