he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
