i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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