we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
