why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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