who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
