we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
