just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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